i'm crazy.
and no amount of loving will change me.
and i do give people the wrong impression.
my thoughts and actions so vastly differ that...
people are getting confused by me.
i need a hole to sink in.
and no amount of loving will change me.
and i do give people the wrong impression.
my thoughts and actions so vastly differ that...
people are getting confused by me.
i need a hole to sink in.
2010.02.07
3rd/4th/5th hour...
Since I came back to Malaysia, I realized that all the men then knew I'm single have been taking advantage of it in their subconscious/conscious way. They're all perverts. And each one of them showed me a degree of what perverts are... though I have to admit my naivety on the last 5th hour could have been the pinacle of my everlasting shame. I'm foolish but idiotically bold. Sigh.
In progression according to dates and time, we start with the 3rd hour.
Day 1: Went out with JH for a drink, getting myself high at some point being depressingly bitter about my life. To cheer me up, he took me out on a car ride... a much appreciated one. Thankfully, nothing suss. Though there was some slight hesitation during our initial meeting which climaxed to him once again holding hands with me and protectively hugging me. Do I sense love? No, not really. I'm used to being treated that way by him and it's a natural feeling... Never did feel it was out of bounds. Friendship in brother/sisterhood. >.>
Day 2: The 4th hour. Went out with WM to get my laptop skin and possibly a new external dvd drive. The laptop skin was successfully purchased whilst the dvd drive was not. I reckoned it didn't make sense buying the dvd drive anyway since I just discovered today it was just the failed Harry Potter disc that wasn't running too well. Had dinner at a hawker's stall in SS2 and mistakenly ordered Pan Mee for myself instead of Pork Noodle. My very failed Cantonese was the undoing of me. Ah well. Later went off to WM's house to drink vodka and orange juice. Drank two glasses before I got really high. And had a heart-to-heart discussion about love life. Very very uncomfortable despite being high from feeling him hugging me. Not a natural feeling. Even creepier to know that he has CP on his comp. I don't show it ouwardly but CP's just something I won't watch. I'd read shota/loli any other time but just not CP. Sigh.
Day 3: The 5th hour. Went out drinking at another hawker's centre with DP. Ended up in a hotel much later with a can of beer. It was a challenge but seriously there was only two of us. Progression lead to being fondled in the ear... with a lot of sucking, breathing down it and being caressed on the stomach. Me, being high... was not a good thing during that particular moment. I really respect the man... but I never expected to be taken advantage of although I tried to keep my cool. It was creeping me out. And he has a girlfriend... URGH. Nothing else happened though.
Point of the matter: I get taken advantage by the men...... It progressed following the hours I got back home and dates. I am nightmarely shocked by the later two. Possibly because the goody me believes that everyone's a good person. But I have to blame my foolishness for allowing myself to be taken advantage of. ><;;;; I really ought to have been a les... It would stop me from being taken advantage unnecessarily.
On other news: regulations for PR in Aussie are being restricted. Bad news for me as my chance of migration is dropping to almost nil.
In progression according to dates and time, we start with the 3rd hour.
Day 1: Went out with JH for a drink, getting myself high at some point being depressingly bitter about my life. To cheer me up, he took me out on a car ride... a much appreciated one. Thankfully, nothing suss. Though there was some slight hesitation during our initial meeting which climaxed to him once again holding hands with me and protectively hugging me. Do I sense love? No, not really. I'm used to being treated that way by him and it's a natural feeling... Never did feel it was out of bounds. Friendship in brother/sisterhood. >.>
Day 2: The 4th hour. Went out with WM to get my laptop skin and possibly a new external dvd drive. The laptop skin was successfully purchased whilst the dvd drive was not. I reckoned it didn't make sense buying the dvd drive anyway since I just discovered today it was just the failed Harry Potter disc that wasn't running too well. Had dinner at a hawker's stall in SS2 and mistakenly ordered Pan Mee for myself instead of Pork Noodle. My very failed Cantonese was the undoing of me. Ah well. Later went off to WM's house to drink vodka and orange juice. Drank two glasses before I got really high. And had a heart-to-heart discussion about love life. Very very uncomfortable despite being high from feeling him hugging me. Not a natural feeling. Even creepier to know that he has CP on his comp. I don't show it ouwardly but CP's just something I won't watch. I'd read shota/loli any other time but just not CP. Sigh.
Day 3: The 5th hour. Went out drinking at another hawker's centre with DP. Ended up in a hotel much later with a can of beer. It was a challenge but seriously there was only two of us. Progression lead to being fondled in the ear... with a lot of sucking, breathing down it and being caressed on the stomach. Me, being high... was not a good thing during that particular moment. I really respect the man... but I never expected to be taken advantage of although I tried to keep my cool. It was creeping me out. And he has a girlfriend... URGH. Nothing else happened though.
Point of the matter: I get taken advantage by the men...... It progressed following the hours I got back home and dates. I am nightmarely shocked by the later two. Possibly because the goody me believes that everyone's a good person. But I have to blame my foolishness for allowing myself to be taken advantage of. ><;;;; I really ought to have been a les... It would stop me from being taken advantage unnecessarily.
On other news: regulations for PR in Aussie are being restricted. Bad news for me as my chance of migration is dropping to almost nil.
2010.02.04
malaysia....
things i love Malaysia for:
1) food that make me get fat
2) unlimited broadband
3) cheap cheap lifestyle
4) the heavy Japanese/Korean influence seen everywhere. More Jap shops have sprouted out. Woots?
5) Kinokuniya
6) friends
things i don't miss Malaysia for:
1) ajinomoto
2) me getting fat
3) horrible polluted weather
4) ugly discolored looking meat. Not fresh. sniffs
5) cluttered and noisy lifestyle.
6) the detioration of everything due to inflation.
1) food that make me get fat
2) unlimited broadband
3) cheap cheap lifestyle
4) the heavy Japanese/Korean influence seen everywhere. More Jap shops have sprouted out. Woots?
5) Kinokuniya
6) friends
things i don't miss Malaysia for:
1) ajinomoto
2) me getting fat
3) horrible polluted weather
4) ugly discolored looking meat. Not fresh. sniffs
5) cluttered and noisy lifestyle.
6) the detioration of everything due to inflation.
I amuse myself wondering if my cousins ever read my blog.
There's just no telling what angst, turmoil and retching that might have overcome them as they endeavour to maneuver through a blog written by an emo 'dark' kid.
My 21st ended on an happier note then I expected.
To be honest, I was a bit disappointed in the first part of the day when I heard Mu was ill and wouldn't be able to turn up. Kinda felt like crying but I didn't wanna show that side of myself to Lesley since it was really sweet of her to be able to make time to hang out with me on my birthday. What I never expected was a plot orchaestrated and masterminded by Phe, Alex and Lesley to throw a surprise birthday party for me. LOL!
I think I've mentioned time and again that I happened to hate surprises. I do have a tendency to bug people especially when I suspect a surprise is about to be sprung on me. So, definitely this was one of the rare few that just completely shook me to the core. (They planned this since Lesley's birthday in December... O.o)
The day begun with me waking up late and Lesley arriving at 10am. Had a quick online business before departing for the city. Lesley drove and we talked on the way. When we finally found a parking at the South side of Huntingdale station, I noticed she carried her laptop with her... Something particularly odd since Mu was apparently sick and won't be around... Making it difficult for her to transfer the anime files that she needed off him. But meh, I waved that thought aside. Might have been something else anyway. Lesley mentioned it was something she needed when she went to Vic uni. Which I thought that was odd since it would have been difficult, through rough estimation, for her to rush to and fro from Vic uni.
Boarded the train. Stopped at Melbourne Central. Took a tram to St. Kilda. Lesley gave me a riddle. "Something that can be shown but can't be seen". And it had something to do with our relationship. Also had something to do with my present? Which was apparently buried in Albert Park. LOL. Kinda felt the riddle dealt with something intrinsic... more on emotions rather than physicality... So I mentioned a couple of things to mind including friendship... which friendship apparently was the answer. XD
Got off two stops before Alex's place. Walked to Albert Park... And there was this foreboding sign that this was DEFINITELY gonna be some sorta surprise sprung on me. Saw a couple of people as we walked near it whom turned out to be teens learning how to ride canoes on a lake? XD
Walked around Albert Park. With me stopping most of the time looking at the ducks, goose. I seriously was bidding time and waiting for signs that I was gonna be surprised. Lesley, probably was in a panic state as she kept checking her phone and tried to rush me to move faster. One of her methods was a lovers chasing situation ^^. Soon, we walked near a suspicious hooded figure who's aura was a bit too familiar, feeding the swans. Just near him was a BBQ area with tons of soft drinks and bags piled there. VERY VERY suspicious. I so definitely wanted to see who it was behind that hood. So I stopped near him, all the while just looking at the birds.
A light pat on my shoulder. Looked up at Lesley and then continued walking slightly ahead of her in front of a tree.... ONLY TO BE SUPRISED BY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!
Ash the girl, Phe WHO SAID HE HAD A DATE WITH ED, Celine, Amanda, Alex and... SHAUN!!! Shaun was the big surprise since I never expected him to be there. I should have guessed when Alex added him on Facebook the other day... Grr. But anyway, they all popped out of the tree shouting SURPRISE HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRIZ! And behind me, the hooded figure threw down his hood to reveal... the not really sick MU! LOL! OMG, u guys! Apparently, Lesley went to the tree when I was busy sitting down looking at the birds and they (the people hiding) kept trying to hide from her. LOL
Shaun had to leave though because of his movie. But it was just awesome to have him around. Just knowing he came and wished me was all that mattered. We had tons of cake which bits ended on the floor being devoured by ... birdies because of the strong wind. We had drinks. We had companionship <3
Got the most amazing gifts from everyone. Listing in order of receival!
Mu: Michael Crichton - Pirate Latitude [ok. I got this last year but hey, it was for my 21st]
Amanda: A card, a boxer shorts (LOL), three facial masks, a handphone strap of TWEETY [her theme: rest/relax]
Celine: A card, four wrist bands, a big black bow headband, 6 ice cream lip balm, one black scarf, a handphone strap [fun]
Luan/Remy: Derek Ernest Percy book [She remembered my Goth story. LOL. They couldn't make it but thanks guys ^^]
Lesley: A Kurumi doll, a handstitched handphone strap
Alex/Phe Lesley: Paintbrush set. Paints. Watercolor paper.
From everyone: A book of Happy wishes
Raine: Self help book on getting a job.
(>>v<<) Not much else to describe except... I turned red on my birthday from surprise, shock and happiness.... And I thank Lesley for all she's done for me. Alex for his companionship. Phe for lending his ear so often to me. Amanda for being my homey ^^. Celine for being a good friend who advises me sometimes. Luan for helping me understand life a bit more. Remy for being... er, REMY? Ditto Mu. Raine for being one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Ash for being someone I'd definitely would like to get to know more. Vince for being the hilarious bastard I've ever known (Your comment on my bday wishing is the most hilarious out of all the wishes... Only because it's just pure you). Khanat for being a friend from then till now and I'm sad I never did get to talk much with you now. Shaun for being the Malaysian mate I can always hang out and enjoy myself with. Alin for being my bests pal in the world.
Yvonne for being someone I can always look at and remember myself. Owen for telling me I'm a cat. Drue for reminding me of Darren. Darren for having a doppleganger in personality JUST WHITE in Drue. Zhen Yao for being the best musical guy to admire. Jeannie for being the real cat. Lance for being AMAZING! Yin Ning for encouraging me in art. Merry for being someone who inspired me. Jasiminne for being someone who further inspired me. BW for being GOD, I kid. Cyren for being my buddy in spiritualism/New age.
Sarah for being one of the first best friend I ever had. Debbie for being my best Japaholic. Adrian for being... er, the one who introed the whole K business to us. Sebby for being the real K deal. Michi for ushering me into the whole Melbourne world. Wai Mun for being one of the oldest pals in CF I can still catch up to. Cheryl Hoh for being my awesome drawing partner in Chem tuition. Davina for introducing me to Merry and being the real life Japanese idol I had. Oliver for being the prick he is. Nat for reminding me of Nats. Nats for being the first person I had probs that now is the main source of remembrance for Nat. Steph for showing me exactly what an all-out event organizer's all about. JH for being there for me. Jas for helping me with Aoi. Christina for being my ever lasting friend. Melkie for being MY BIGGEST comforter. Felicia for intro-ing me to Tsubasa in chinese.
Angelina for being one of my 2nd longest penpal. Tomokazu-san for being the longest penpal. Kargha for putting up with me. Miyuki for being... MIYUKI? ACK!Male Ash... you put up with my crying and emo on your birthday. Chia Yee, one of my Japo friends. Cher for being my sexy babe in NY CITY and nakama-tachi. Salyu, Rangi, Cookiequeen and Ashcat for making my days pleasant and memorable in LiquidPassion.
MAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! To summarize the last three paragraphs.....
Thank you everyone in my life who made my life meaningful! The ups, the downs, the happiness, angst, pain, suffering, tears... They all make up my 21 years of adolescents/teenage life. Each one of you attributed to my existence and shaped me for who I am today! Without you, I am no one.
There's just no telling what angst, turmoil and retching that might have overcome them as they endeavour to maneuver through a blog written by an emo 'dark' kid.
My 21st ended on an happier note then I expected.
To be honest, I was a bit disappointed in the first part of the day when I heard Mu was ill and wouldn't be able to turn up. Kinda felt like crying but I didn't wanna show that side of myself to Lesley since it was really sweet of her to be able to make time to hang out with me on my birthday. What I never expected was a plot orchaestrated and masterminded by Phe, Alex and Lesley to throw a surprise birthday party for me. LOL!
I think I've mentioned time and again that I happened to hate surprises. I do have a tendency to bug people especially when I suspect a surprise is about to be sprung on me. So, definitely this was one of the rare few that just completely shook me to the core. (They planned this since Lesley's birthday in December... O.o)
The day begun with me waking up late and Lesley arriving at 10am. Had a quick online business before departing for the city. Lesley drove and we talked on the way. When we finally found a parking at the South side of Huntingdale station, I noticed she carried her laptop with her... Something particularly odd since Mu was apparently sick and won't be around... Making it difficult for her to transfer the anime files that she needed off him. But meh, I waved that thought aside. Might have been something else anyway. Lesley mentioned it was something she needed when she went to Vic uni. Which I thought that was odd since it would have been difficult, through rough estimation, for her to rush to and fro from Vic uni.
Boarded the train. Stopped at Melbourne Central. Took a tram to St. Kilda. Lesley gave me a riddle. "Something that can be shown but can't be seen". And it had something to do with our relationship. Also had something to do with my present? Which was apparently buried in Albert Park. LOL. Kinda felt the riddle dealt with something intrinsic... more on emotions rather than physicality... So I mentioned a couple of things to mind including friendship... which friendship apparently was the answer. XD
Got off two stops before Alex's place. Walked to Albert Park... And there was this foreboding sign that this was DEFINITELY gonna be some sorta surprise sprung on me. Saw a couple of people as we walked near it whom turned out to be teens learning how to ride canoes on a lake? XD
Walked around Albert Park. With me stopping most of the time looking at the ducks, goose. I seriously was bidding time and waiting for signs that I was gonna be surprised. Lesley, probably was in a panic state as she kept checking her phone and tried to rush me to move faster. One of her methods was a lovers chasing situation ^^. Soon, we walked near a suspicious hooded figure who's aura was a bit too familiar, feeding the swans. Just near him was a BBQ area with tons of soft drinks and bags piled there. VERY VERY suspicious. I so definitely wanted to see who it was behind that hood. So I stopped near him, all the while just looking at the birds.
A light pat on my shoulder. Looked up at Lesley and then continued walking slightly ahead of her in front of a tree.... ONLY TO BE SUPRISED BY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!
Ash the girl, Phe WHO SAID HE HAD A DATE WITH ED, Celine, Amanda, Alex and... SHAUN!!! Shaun was the big surprise since I never expected him to be there. I should have guessed when Alex added him on Facebook the other day... Grr. But anyway, they all popped out of the tree shouting SURPRISE HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRIZ! And behind me, the hooded figure threw down his hood to reveal... the not really sick MU! LOL! OMG, u guys! Apparently, Lesley went to the tree when I was busy sitting down looking at the birds and they (the people hiding) kept trying to hide from her. LOL
Shaun had to leave though because of his movie. But it was just awesome to have him around. Just knowing he came and wished me was all that mattered. We had tons of cake which bits ended on the floor being devoured by ... birdies because of the strong wind. We had drinks. We had companionship <3
Got the most amazing gifts from everyone. Listing in order of receival!
Mu: Michael Crichton - Pirate Latitude [ok. I got this last year but hey, it was for my 21st]
Amanda: A card, a boxer shorts (LOL), three facial masks, a handphone strap of TWEETY [her theme: rest/relax]
Celine: A card, four wrist bands, a big black bow headband, 6 ice cream lip balm, one black scarf, a handphone strap [fun]
Luan/Remy: Derek Ernest Percy book [She remembered my Goth story. LOL. They couldn't make it but thanks guys ^^]
Lesley: A Kurumi doll, a handstitched handphone strap
Alex/
From everyone: A book of Happy wishes
Raine: Self help book on getting a job.
(>>v<<) Not much else to describe except... I turned red on my birthday from surprise, shock and happiness.... And I thank Lesley for all she's done for me. Alex for his companionship. Phe for lending his ear so often to me. Amanda for being my homey ^^. Celine for being a good friend who advises me sometimes. Luan for helping me understand life a bit more. Remy for being... er, REMY? Ditto Mu. Raine for being one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Ash for being someone I'd definitely would like to get to know more. Vince for being the hilarious bastard I've ever known (Your comment on my bday wishing is the most hilarious out of all the wishes... Only because it's just pure you). Khanat for being a friend from then till now and I'm sad I never did get to talk much with you now. Shaun for being the Malaysian mate I can always hang out and enjoy myself with. Alin for being my bests pal in the world.
Yvonne for being someone I can always look at and remember myself. Owen for telling me I'm a cat. Drue for reminding me of Darren. Darren for having a doppleganger in personality JUST WHITE in Drue. Zhen Yao for being the best musical guy to admire. Jeannie for being the real cat. Lance for being AMAZING! Yin Ning for encouraging me in art. Merry for being someone who inspired me. Jasiminne for being someone who further inspired me. BW for being GOD, I kid. Cyren for being my buddy in spiritualism/New age.
Sarah for being one of the first best friend I ever had. Debbie for being my best Japaholic. Adrian for being... er, the one who introed the whole K business to us. Sebby for being the real K deal. Michi for ushering me into the whole Melbourne world. Wai Mun for being one of the oldest pals in CF I can still catch up to. Cheryl Hoh for being my awesome drawing partner in Chem tuition. Davina for introducing me to Merry and being the real life Japanese idol I had. Oliver for being the prick he is. Nat for reminding me of Nats. Nats for being the first person I had probs that now is the main source of remembrance for Nat. Steph for showing me exactly what an all-out event organizer's all about. JH for being there for me. Jas for helping me with Aoi. Christina for being my ever lasting friend. Melkie for being MY BIGGEST comforter. Felicia for intro-ing me to Tsubasa in chinese.
Angelina for being one of my 2nd longest penpal. Tomokazu-san for being the longest penpal. Kargha for putting up with me. Miyuki for being... MIYUKI? ACK!Male Ash... you put up with my crying and emo on your birthday. Chia Yee, one of my Japo friends. Cher for being my sexy babe in NY CITY and nakama-tachi. Salyu, Rangi, Cookiequeen and Ashcat for making my days pleasant and memorable in LiquidPassion.
MAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! To summarize the last three paragraphs.....
Thank you everyone in my life who made my life meaningful! The ups, the downs, the happiness, angst, pain, suffering, tears... They all make up my 21 years of adolescents/teenage life. Each one of you attributed to my existence and shaped me for who I am today! Without you, I am no one.
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