12, 2012 18:14

Where do I start this overdue rant post? From being called a 'boyfriend stealing bitch' to being surrounded by idiosyncrasies to breakdown in communication with co-workers/boyfriend on an occasional basis? *sighs*

Sometimes I wonder if it's just the way I present myself that gives people the wrong message. I feel frustrated every time I feel like they're misunderstanding me and every attempt to correct it falls short. At one stage, my tutor (at work) commented during one of my drills that I was the type that loves to beat around the bush before jumping straight to the core of the issue OR never ever touching the core. Amusingly, mom used to say the same thing about me too. =.....=;;; Ah! My love to talk and theatrics. >.>

Could it be because I try to be too considerate and never broach the issue directly that I upset everything? And when I do try to broach it directly, I mess up because I don't know how to handle it without hurting someone or being insensitive? (Which happens a lot whilst I'm trying NOT to be insensitive. T~T)

I'm confused and really trying to process everything.

Another issue that I have is the vast differences between the boy and me. Unlike Alex, in which almost everything was a common ground... With the boy, there are just things that we somehow irk each other on and would never bother changing that part of ourselves to comply to the other. For instance, everybody knows that I'm a yaoi fangirl. But I fangirl on mostly my in-animated objects and occasionally in real life, depending on whom it is. I'm also a strong advocate for GLBT rights though I don't go all out to shove it into other people's faces. I'm an open person that just loves people as whom they are. The boy... isn't. Coming from a traumatic past, he's against queer. It's wrong for him because if it was true, why would we need girls in this world? And he partially believes it's because people have been wrongly influenced that they've strayed off the right path. (Don't take my word for it though... I have a tendency to be bias when an argument doesn't reflect my own stand).

It was awkward for me when he was making an issue about two girls making out on the train on Facebook yesterday. He can't seem to think of them as people. Which makes it so awkward for him to come by my place apparently (as I discovered in my talk with him yesterday) since my housemates are queer. It was also the reason he stayed a slight distance and didn't talk much when Phe and his bf was around the other day. Because he didn't know what to say or talk without awkwardly gawking at people.

I personally feel that people are people and should be allowed free will to do whatever they want. They deserve to love whomever they want and to be given that same love back. And I love my queer folks because they accept me as who I am without demanding change from me unlike some of my fellow STRAIGHT folks whom have trouble accepting my quirks sometimes.

But I won't force him to accept my beliefs. The only thing I care of is that he does learn to love Phe as much as I love him and overlook the thing that he isn't comfortable with. Phe's one of the bests people in the world! Nothing's going to change that and he's going to have to learn to accept it.

Baby steps. I'm just working it via baby steps. *sighs*

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2017,05.30 (Tue)  06:55
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