Pretty pretty (exhausting)

  18, 2012 04:50
So what's pretty exhausting?

A dear old friend and I started chatting again yesterday. Our reunion was awkward and full of mix feelings. Although how everything started began with a call.

Due to circumstances that affects both my and my boyfriend's financial situation, I endeavoured to swallow my pride to text him, asking if he could help us out. Not me specifically though. My boyfriend. My dear old friend understood that it takes a lot of guts for me to even willingly call him so he replied back to me and called me up. I gave him the necessary information that I needed to give before hoping or perhaps, wishing that this wouldn't affect me any further. It was not a path I wanted to go down on. Being indebted to someone who had slighted me.

However yesterday at the Vanguard & Weiss Schwarz tournament, there he was. He was there helping out with the tournament organizers (which is a given since he's quite close to them). I stared, I looked away, I walked nearby, I walked away. Not a pleasant thing since looking at someone just makes me feel awful on the inside. I did what I usually do in an awkward, emotional situation. I hid away in the crowd. Or at least I attempted to.

Still, it was like God had a hand in initiating our patch up. For one thing, my name tag sticker kept peeling off. So I had to run back to the reception desk (which he managed) to keep getting a new one. Well, I only did it once. But I tried not to look at him straight in the eye when it happened.

Then, towards the end of the nationals, I sat in a corner waiting for my boyfriend to return from his outing with Lee when he approached me. He asked me about Dee and I mentioned about him going out with Lee. I was unaware, at that time however, that Lee had dragged my boyfriend to Carlton (!!!) until he told me. My dear old friend started chatting me up with what jobs to offer my bf, life, visa, the nationals, and then trying to apologize. He said he knew it was supposed to have been him apologising but it ended up being me who initiated it. Before I could say anything further, my bf and Lee came back.

And still God must have wanted us to patch up badly or something.

He wanted to come and have dinner with us after the nationals. It was hard for me to explain how conflicted I felt. Harder when he asked if I wanted to drink since the gang (beside the boyfriend) wanted to and I said no. No because of money or because I can't, he asked. And I said the truth, money. I mean what else do YOU want me to say?

After dinner, we rode on the same train back home since apparently he's now staying at Jas's place and the kitten is there. Same awkward moment and same awkward conversations about Damien, Jas and everyone else. Then when we arrived, since his tram just left, I unintentionally invited him over to our house. (URGH!) He agreed to come over since it made the waiting time faster to pass by. Spent time talking about Jas again (like her tram ticket fines) and then was shown her text about telling her dad that they got together. =.=;;; Er, dude. What do you want me to say hor?

When he came by, he cooed about the place and seemed to loved how small but quaint the apartment was. Found out that Jas was moving with her housemates if things turned out and that she would be leaving in March if things don't go as plan. Before he left, he mentioned that he was envious of the life that I have and that I've started. He wished his was going as plan and was upset that Jas wouldn't marry him. Though I wish I could say something to comfort him, I also think that it's not what she wants. All women want to have some form of independence even if they're dependent on their boyfriends for support and stability. All I told him after that was that he just needs to keep hoping that things would change for the better (i.e. Jas's visa).

Awkward exhausting night is awkward exhausting night.

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