2013 Choices

  03, 2013 03:54
It's been a long time since I've wrote in this blog. I thought I had my life properly planned out with a stable career and a stable somewhat life. The amusing thing about expectations is that they usually never do turn out like the way you planned em to be.

Whilst in the beginning, I had thought that my current job was heaven sent seeing as it helped me overcome my various financial issues that I had last year. I have now realized that I'm seriously err-ed in my judgement. Perhaps it may be because of the sheer fact that in my hastiness, I forgot who I was and allowed myself to subjugate/prostrate myself to something that I have no utter faith or belief in. Whilst my personality is one which makes it easy to ply like a dough, I found that I was at a stage in which my responsibilities had grown to a point where I could no longer keep up and maintain my pace. Amusing that an Asian (known to be such a hard worker) is unable to achieve such amiable feats, might seem funny to some, but I feel that in my situation, I feel like I've been taken as a fool. My hard work amounts to nothing when I'm pushed constantly without a decent amount of rest.

In sum, I felt exhausted from everything. The work that was mundane and enjoyable became a tiresome chore which was too steep a gradient, myself changed into becoming an entity that seemed foreign and not likeable, the stress that I had was untolerable. How anyone manages to survive in a workplace that they hate... I don't really know. I always want to feel like I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons. But now, I'm stuck because whilst the right reasons is noble, it's not the right thing for me. I don't feel like this is the path that I want to go down.

Maybe life is just telling me that there is another place that I can go to. That this is no longer where I should be/belong to. It was high time that I made the decision to go rather than stay and continue fighting for something that I don't believe in. Living in Australia isn't everything as much as it should be. Sometimes it's my dignity and pride as a human that I want to retain.

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