Passage of Time

  06, 2014 23:17
They say that time heals all wounds. I know for a fact that some wounds tend to fester, filled with pus and throbs when you least expect it. So many things happened to me over the past two years that I've struggled to put down in words. I often asked myself why didn't I made the attempt to pen it down. I suppose I lacked the courage to voice my thoughts on a public platform and to come to terms with my own foolishness.

So very often, throughout the long arduous process, I looked back at the choices that I made then. I hate to admit that I'm wrong. But I was wrong. I was stubborn. Too steadfast in my belief that I could change others. I held high hopes that it would make me a better person. Sticking to someone to the bitter end... That's what relationships are about, right? Forgive and forget. Love and respect. Too caught up with my thought processes that I neglected to remember that a relationship works when both parties hold the same goals in life together. I didn't have that in my relationship. Both of us were too cemented with a particular set of goals and objectives that it often created chaos in our relationship. We walked very different paths. As easy as it was for him to fall in love with me, he fell out of love rather quickly too. The only dumb idiot in love was me. So I lost in a battle of love to him.

My loss had an adverse effect on me. Every few nights, I would pick a fight over something that wasn't working in our relationship. After stressing myself in grief from watching him pout, throw a tantrum or lash back out at me, I would wallow in pain blaming myself for causing the problems. It was a duel edged sword that affected me more than I should have. I tried complying to his desires but there was only so much my body could take. Inside, I began to lose myself mentally and physically. I became tied down to things that bound us together. More often, it revolved around money issues that arose from his end.

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